that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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