what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
