I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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