I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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