Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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