Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
