The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize