Who wears a wallet chain?!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
