In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
