I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
