I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
