He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
