the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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