im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
