Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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