I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
