mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I want a musical about memes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
