PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
