there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
