someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize