It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
