i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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