I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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