i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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