my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
