you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
