420 ftw
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
