I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
