you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
