so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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