If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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