do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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