yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
