He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
