I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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