I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
