it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Floor bacon is actually really good
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
