oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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