The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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