I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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