Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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