I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
