dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
