Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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