Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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