I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
