dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
