I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
