So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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