also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
