i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
