I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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