I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
