A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
