note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
