watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
