remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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