Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
