It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
