Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
