You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
