like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
