Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
