singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
