who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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